Blogging has turned very complicated for me lately. I feel like there is so much to say but none of it has anything to do with the subject I first started blogging about.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post any of it here. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to say any of the things I had to say.
I am also going through a lot. Between the home renos that are STILL ongoing, six months later if you can believe it and really wanting to be able to just cut my losses and find another rental property. But there is just nothing out there that has I want, or I need.
I was working through the confusion of someone coming back into my life.
Dealing with some incredible loneliness that comes with being a single parent in a new town. Throw in having difficulty meeting anyone because life with kids is busy and exhausting and it’s a small town. It’s not like there are many opportunities to meet people. Being over 30 doesn’t do you any favors either.
So it is really a lot.
I was also spending 7 hours a day every day in the yard with kiddo trying to get the majority of the work done. That has been going on since the weather got nice with no end in sight.
Today I finally had three other people helping get a good chunk of it done. At least in terms of leaves finally being raked up into piles. All that is left now is bagging it and dumping it into the forest.
Thank goodness because I made it known that since I wasn’t getting help with any of it, I was officially not going to worry about it anymore.
It’s really hard to put all this effort into a house that you don’t own when the person who owns it lives there and does nothing.
I’m trying so hard to stay positive and not let it get to me and not get to frustrated with the universe. Trying.
I have decided to find other ways to do the things that I want to do. Even if it means going smaller.
I am really just trying to find ways to ease things for me a bit and to find more ways to be happy, because I spend too much time here not as happy as I should be, because we are still here and it is looking like we will be for the foreseeable future.
My kid is thrilled by that. She keeps going on and on about how cool this house is and how much she loves it. (She has no idea I am looking to move again because she is three and doesn’t need to know things like this before it’s time.)
She is also WAY too attached to the housemate. She has been getting upset every morning when the housemate leaves for work. Which I can’t stand.
So it’s all been calling for little pieces of happy. Things to keep me going basically.
One of those was a towel back over the darkening blind in kiddos room so she would sleep past 645am.
Today she slept until 8;50am but she also got to bed at 945pm when we got home. So I am hoping to see how her schedule changes this week and where it settles.
Another one of those things is container gardening.
I plan to pick some up tomorrow and get started on that with kiddo.
Also a small aquarium, for a bug hotel – or at least a worm motel for kiddo on the deck.
I bought her a bug kit, but things she puts in there just die. There’s just no way for it to have the right ventilation I guess.
We’ve also tried some different things, like making our own flavored water.
Kiddo has been pretty thrilled to be out and getting to ride her bike a bit more. Though I would love a bit more flat road. I can’t just let her practice on our dead end street because it involves a hill and that’s tough on three year old legs.
We also went out to eat the other night at Kiddos favourite restaurant and she ate a full pint sized pepperoni pizza and some veggies on the side. She is growing up so fast.
As much as I love that she is growing so well, it also hurts my heart to see my sweet baby growing and needing me less and less sometimes. Proud-happy-sad.