Another Update that has been far too long in coming.

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Every time I say to myself that I am going to some how find the time to keep this blog going something comes up.

Life is hard as a single parent.
Hard, busy, stressful but I love my little human even on the worst of days.

How are we nearing the sixth year?

We are two days in to the first grade and I have already had to contact the principal with an issue.
An issue that lead to a huge staff meeting, (bonus that I have not had to attend) because people CLEARLY  need to be informed how to talk to and deal with a disabled adult. (How do people, not know to treat us as ADULTS who are in control of our own lives I don’t understand)

The teacher is now apparently beside herself because she was not seeing the whole picture.

The issue.. my crossing the parking lot to take my daughter to school. Using a handy parking spot with my sticker, and crossing to use an accessible curb.

Sounds all well and logical right?

Apparently not, according to her and out dated made by an idiot rules, I had to walk to the other end of the parking lot (farthest it can be from the accessible parking) to the cross walk.

Right.
So, when she said if I had an issue with it, to take it up with the office. So of course, I did.

It also suddenly put me at the front of their making of the 90 year old school accessible.
As a disabled adult you see things differently than an able bodied adult. So, they are asking for feed back which I am giving them all that I can.

Disabled children – don’t always have the words to say what they need and as kids, they are not always taken seriously.
So there was no way that I would ever back down from this.

Am I a massive introvert, who is the shyest person you could ever meet? Absolfreakinglutely. But I will be damned if a disabled child will miss out on what they need because I didn’t step up when the chance came up.

I have since discovered that her own staff (a temp) has a need of the spot. But has never brought issues forward.
Given how disgustingly riddled with discrimination our school board has been, I can only assume she never brought it forward out of fear for her job. Or her needs are just that different.

I can’t hold the possibility of fear  against her because she had right to fear for her job. Hate ran this school board for a long time.

So that is how I began our second week back to school at 845am. Fun times ahead I can tell.

We have also been going to church since shortly after Easter.
Kiddo LOVES it.  So it has helped me stick it out.
I love, a lot of things about it, but some other things are harder.

Admittedly, I have asked myself more than once, if it is all worth it. But then Kiddo will ask me to read the bible to her or a bible story and I will be in awe of her and remember why this was so important to me.

Why making sure she has everything I did not is so important.

Why making sure the church works for inclusion as much as the rest of the world is so important.

Why despite the struggles I have with my own place in our church, I stay and I fight to get more comfortable. I struggle through feeling like we are Sunday visitors and I do what I can to have us be more.

I’ve always been willing to go to bat for disabled issues, despite the anxiety and shyness and I will continue to do so. But some days I just there were more disabled adults in the church to help.

It is such complex issue because no 2 disabilities will be the same – even if their medical terminology is.

The problem here, in part is that church numbers are so low, and a lot of congregations are older generations are set in their ways. (Add in the small town ignorance..ugh)
Though I have found the more issues some have as they age the easier they have accepting disabled. But it shouldn’t have to wait that long.

So it is giving me a lot to think about. A lot to think about and a lot to have to fight for.
A fight that often doesn’t feel like this blog is the right place.
It sometimes feels like a vlog may be the best outlet for some of the more wordy things. So I am pondering that and trying to figure out the best way for me – the introverted shy person to sit in front of a camera and talk. Haha

I am reading.. I swear it. I know this post is very non book like. But I have been choosier on my reads because I am entering a new chapter of life and I want the book related posts that I do get to, to be worth talking about but also something that is important to me.

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Wow.. it’s been awhile

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Wow. It has been a lot longer than I thought since I posted anything.

Nearly a year. What a year it has been.

I am still active on Twitter, but there has been a lot going on that has just made sitting down to write about things seem daunting.

So rather than struggle through it. I just let it go, eventually it got easier and easier until I didn’t think about what I wanted to say. Until today. When I finally realized that I wanted to say something.

In the last year – and the year before that I have spent a LOT of time in the hospital and in the ER trying to find out what was wrong with me.

We don’t have a lot of answers even now. What we do know, is that it doesn’t appear to be anything that can be fixed or properly identified. But on the positive side of things, it also doesn’t appear to mean I am dying either. (That was actually a fear, for quite awhile. When  you are a single parent to a very young child I can not tell you how terrifying that is!)

But things are, better – not drastically, but enough that I can notice a difference. There are also issues that I had, that have now been treated and cleared up. Thankful experimentation! Because sometimes odd things work and no one knows why but they do.

Chronic pain and exhaustion can add up. I have been told by medical professionals that it’s to be expected.  Due to my medical history, I am unfortunately higher risk for these things (as well as others) so while I am trying to slow down, and embrace the whole idea spoon theory.  It is SO damn hard, when you are used to doing all the things.
Added to that I have a very young child and she keeps me on my toes.

Physical health things aside I have also been working through issues of my own. I struggle with chronic depression. It is mild but it’s enough to give me absolutely no drive or focus. And those days, I honestly don’t feel like doing much of anything. But I force myself to try to at least do what I must around the house. Some days, that’s enough to kick start me and I do okay.

Other days, the blah’s wrap me up like a cocoon and I don’t do more than get dressed and read all day until I have to run to get my daughter from the school bus.

Winter is worse than  not because snow, and being snowed in. Being snowed in with a 5 year old that hates snow but has a ton of energy to burn off (and is a natural extrovert to your introvert) is HARD.

Added to the fun stress of dealing with my fight to get Persephone to school because our school board is a bunch of fucking assholes it’s just been a lot.  (Positive side, the ministry of education finally stepped in and ordered an internal review of the board. End results 33 pages of reporting and recommendations for the board and the director has been fired. Apparently, all the meeting with the families of this board worked and we have been heard!)

My goal for awhile now has been moving. I have an end goal of July but the vacancy rate is doing nothing to help that. The government has supposedly said they are going to try to get a grip on the market and also the lack of supply while helping get a strengthen rent control but I will believe that when I see it.

Moving for us, is a must we both seem to be allergic to this house and the housemate is doing a whole lot of nothing to get her renovations done. She never will at this rate. There is just the inability to care and too much laziness in her to get it done and I don’t care to deal with anymore house issues.

But I need the market to improve because right now there is literally nothing opening up.
When you are trying to move to also get your child in a better school situation so she is not missing two months out of every year it is stressful.

I have also been on a spiritual journey this year trying to figure out what that means. Kiddo apparently joined me on that trip at some point.
Talking about Prayers and then suddenly showing me one day that she prays and how to her talking aloud to the universe with linked hands in prayer meant god and hope.
So that gave me the push I needed to start reading more and trying to figure out what our spiritual life looks like. I still don’t know exactly what it means but we are exploring.

I have been in contact with people of faith that had interesting sounding programs that may fit our lives. To see. We are going to try a few weeks of church and see how that goes. But that I feel could go either way.

I have also started a non family oriented blog/twitter to put other things out there that are a different side to me.
A side that is purely me. Not tied to anything here. It has been active for a bit now and chances are if I talk to you regularly through email and twitter I follow you with that account as well.

Most of that account is spiritual so it may not be for everyone. Part of why I haven’t mentioned it to nearly anyone. Though I may give links to select few who ask.

I may slowly get in to blogging again. As I have more to say.
I am still reading. Which if you follow me on Twitter or IG you know.

What are you reading?  What’s blown you away lately?

Happy Reading!

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