Wow. It has been a lot longer than I thought since I posted anything.
Nearly a year. What a year it has been.
I am still active on Twitter, but there has been a lot going on that has just made sitting down to write about things seem daunting.
So rather than struggle through it. I just let it go, eventually it got easier and easier until I didn’t think about what I wanted to say. Until today. When I finally realized that I wanted to say something.
In the last year – and the year before that I have spent a LOT of time in the hospital and in the ER trying to find out what was wrong with me.
We don’t have a lot of answers even now. What we do know, is that it doesn’t appear to be anything that can be fixed or properly identified. But on the positive side of things, it also doesn’t appear to mean I am dying either. (That was actually a fear, for quite awhile. When you are a single parent to a very young child I can not tell you how terrifying that is!)
But things are, better – not drastically, but enough that I can notice a difference. There are also issues that I had, that have now been treated and cleared up. Thankful experimentation! Because sometimes odd things work and no one knows why but they do.
Chronic pain and exhaustion can add up. I have been told by medical professionals that it’s to be expected. Due to my medical history, I am unfortunately higher risk for these things (as well as others) so while I am trying to slow down, and embrace the whole idea spoon theory. It is SO damn hard, when you are used to doing all the things.
Added to that I have a very young child and she keeps me on my toes.
Physical health things aside I have also been working through issues of my own. I struggle with chronic depression. It is mild but it’s enough to give me absolutely no drive or focus. And those days, I honestly don’t feel like doing much of anything. But I force myself to try to at least do what I must around the house. Some days, that’s enough to kick start me and I do okay.
Other days, the blah’s wrap me up like a cocoon and I don’t do more than get dressed and read all day until I have to run to get my daughter from the school bus.
Winter is worse than not because snow, and being snowed in. Being snowed in with a 5 year old that hates snow but has a ton of energy to burn off (and is a natural extrovert to your introvert) is HARD.
Added to the fun stress of dealing with my fight to get Persephone to school because our school board is a bunch of fucking assholes it’s just been a lot. (Positive side, the ministry of education finally stepped in and ordered an internal review of the board. End results 33 pages of reporting and recommendations for the board and the director has been fired. Apparently, all the meeting with the families of this board worked and we have been heard!)
My goal for awhile now has been moving. I have an end goal of July but the vacancy rate is doing nothing to help that. The government has supposedly said they are going to try to get a grip on the market and also the lack of supply while helping get a strengthen rent control but I will believe that when I see it.
Moving for us, is a must we both seem to be allergic to this house and the housemate is doing a whole lot of nothing to get her renovations done. She never will at this rate. There is just the inability to care and too much laziness in her to get it done and I don’t care to deal with anymore house issues.
But I need the market to improve because right now there is literally nothing opening up.
When you are trying to move to also get your child in a better school situation so she is not missing two months out of every year it is stressful.
I have also been on a spiritual journey this year trying to figure out what that means. Kiddo apparently joined me on that trip at some point.
Talking about Prayers and then suddenly showing me one day that she prays and how to her talking aloud to the universe with linked hands in prayer meant god and hope.
So that gave me the push I needed to start reading more and trying to figure out what our spiritual life looks like. I still don’t know exactly what it means but we are exploring.
I have been in contact with people of faith that had interesting sounding programs that may fit our lives. To see. We are going to try a few weeks of church and see how that goes. But that I feel could go either way.
I have also started a non family oriented blog/twitter to put other things out there that are a different side to me.
A side that is purely me. Not tied to anything here. It has been active for a bit now and chances are if I talk to you regularly through email and twitter I follow you with that account as well.
Most of that account is spiritual so it may not be for everyone. Part of why I haven’t mentioned it to nearly anyone. Though I may give links to select few who ask.
I may slowly get in to blogging again. As I have more to say.
I am still reading. Which if you follow me on Twitter or IG you know.
What are you reading? What’s blown you away lately?