Now, that is a title I never thought I would end up writing.
In an interesting turn of events, this week. I think it is going to be more of a personal posting week than a book week it seems.
Unusual but that is where things seem to be heading. So I am rolling with it.
Most people know by now, that ever since I had a baby – I am a wuss. I mean a real hardcore wuss in some ways.
I am scared to be in the house by myself at night. Like to the point it is easier to try to go to bed really early just so I sleep through the night and don’t have to deal with being scared and jumping at every noise.
Yeah, that kind of wussiness.
I was NEVER like this before.
An interesting thing occurred Sunday night and I am considering it a positive thing. I have yet to wrap my head around all of it, but I am going to take it as a positive thing.
As usual I was completely freaked. I may have even been more so because this is the first time I have been alone since the fire. (That also happened while I was alone, with Kidlet)
I was at my wits end. I was actually considering going to spend a couple days out of town, only problem is my car seat is in the housemates car currently in the USA. So, that was a bust.
Something just broke. So, what does my brain tell me to do? Pray.
At this point, I really had nothing to lose. I didn’t even really give it a second thought. Despite you know, never praying on my own before. I have been prayed for, prayed at (yeah, there’s a long history of that *sigh*) and had others pray with me there, but I’ve never joined in.
Those people praying for me, and trying to get me to join in (the at me people) always prayed out loud so I went with that.
I prayed out loud. I didn’t over think it. I just poured my heart out.
I prayed about the fear – and needing help to deal with it, I prayed about the stress in my life, and needing answers, and needing help.
Believe it or not, I felt better afterward. I actually relaxed enough to fall asleep around my usual time. I slept through the night. I didn’t dream that I remember I just slept.
(Double bonus, Kidlet got up at 815am but read quietly until 945am)
My attitude on prayer, has been changing for awhile. So it isn’t a huge surprise to me that it came to me finally praying.
I have reflected a lot on prayer, read about it, people’s theory on why it did or didn’t work. I also reflected on why I had the attitude I did.
I just never actually got around to doing more than thinking about it.
Until last night.
Tonight, I am feeling better than I ever have post baby, about being alone. It’s not 100% okay. I am still jumpy a bit, but I am no where near as bad as last night.
For me, since Christianity is not a faith I follow, Prayer is voicing my need, hopes or my intentions, to the universe.
I don’t have a clear idea of exactly what I believe yet, but for me prayer has slowly been weaving into the picture.
I’ve asked for people to keep me in their prayers, and prayed for others (kept them in my thoughts) but never myself.
I think, I have stumbled on to a new part of my own self care.
I am interested to see how this new part of me will evolve while the rest of my beliefs come more into focus on this journey I seem to be on.
It’s hard to believe that this all started because of the curiosity that one book gave me. Love & Salt. Got the ball started because Lent was a holiday, that I had never heard of. My trip down Google, just kept me going.
If you haven’t read Love & Salt you really should. I have not forgotten that book, since reading it.
It is one of those books that I know, I will come back to many, many times.
There is a really great website, and I believe a study guide was also released for free.
*Edit: The website is down, but they’re on Facebook.
Something I hope to work through in the new year.
Have you read Love & Salt, share your thoughts in the comments!
Favourite Spiritual Memoir or Spiritual Autobiography share it below.
Look for my Wishlist Wednesday post tomorrow.
Have a super week.